Maybe I got a pretty dick, but I got some balls it'll scare, the fucking paint off your car. Spit that bitch in a glass wait a few hours if anybody dies, many people die, but the problem is then, when you do take it. He says bad drugs, but you can't see that's a Colin Quinn joke right there. It's too ridiculous for a Fanny pack, it's a guy at work. In my opinion, one of the most underappreciated a precious amongst comedians. This dude wrote they were. I mean it, it will replay it. We call you shake the pocket, side door bucket full week can be over with finished up in Dublin. What is that theater in universe? You got up Brian, you gotta. They were love it. My pants, I shit a little bit. I only took one Jesus Christ, that's like they used to give chicks in the wild West movies, when they had an issue- and I have seen some delaudid there's a little delaudid yeah yeah, so we end up partying all night. We talk talk about this a couple times. It was my. I mean like I'm just like what the fuck and then. That is. I fucking made it up. Get toilet paper out and damn it now, I'm a man. This is before cell phones too. Reality Bites went through four test screenings with a fairly decent reaction, before it premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in January 1994, and was theatrically released in the United States on February 18, 1994. Up that he's a nice guy he's a really nice larry! I really like he always killed to comics, We always love them, but like a lot of times, he do five thousand fifty fifty in the room at the cellar, because because in all honesty he was working on new shit all the time he was always taking a bit, and, It was not about the crowd, it was not about them. I gotta go downstairs like where's. Car rams into checkpoint in Jerusalem injuring four police officers - as families are pulled from the rubble... Vitamin supplements for man's best friend? Is how big are your balls? Hosted by KFC and Feitelberg, KFC Radio is the quintessential bar conversation brought to podcast form. We saved we script anyway. What's that? I've done that before plenty of times, yeah, there's nothing wrong with that thing, for common comic relief as long as you're, not trying to mislead people. Absolutely not that's! I set up. It's like that white rapper that I was talking about earlier. Let's name it would buy soon. just yeah. If I went right after that, article came out in Tallahassee definitely, our new I was in Tampa. You got in the car, yeah yeah! I realized. I think they got nothing and when he was just he kinda like made a joke, who's trying to be, You know the heal from pro wrestling's big fucking wrestler. Why would it hurt so I gotta hurt bro. They're, always the hammering it used to be in hammering terrified of being the nail once once you've taken some shots before you understand like this is a give and receive bitch. see that video put that video be fighting them there and getting fucking raped by a bear and then meet a man three. You know. Takes his shirt off. It's actually fairly common yeah it it's it's, it happens. Meldrick Taylor was fucked up, he was piss, in blood and he was never the same again and if you watch videos of him he stalks with a pronounced that staggering stuff, well. We know nipple car keys mostly have you ever. I did have a dream about her dad in his underwear. Yelling at me is not a dream. This is it if. Man, that's, and you read the I never read Schaller Dude, those were the books, my rent, that was then this is now. How can you do? Severely mentally ill man, 30, was 'abused by caregivers who took him drag racing and gave him marijuana -... Rose West's daughter says her mother might know what happened to Mary Bastholm but will never give up her... Woman reveals the moment she knew she was being cheated on - and the very blunt message she sent confronting... Mark Hamill Joins Bert Kreischer In Legendary’s ‘The Machine’ – Deadline, Bert Kreischer: Top Partyer at Party School FSU - Rolling Stone. this food in this phone booth and when I keep leave this phone booth has fucking Doritos in it. So I can't stand on it. I think I only reason I'm I take this. I'd like you to I'm a big fan of you to love. We should get when he runs out of meditation in the isolation tank fucking. Oh that's not not not. Maybe I did wait so did I ever tell you the, Do you remember my you know MIKE Burton MIKE Burton Comedian, bald jewish. I just couldn't I had to give up and he let me up, it was a huge eye. so it could have just been a rumor, maybe even even as well, even as a key. We go, but we go to Strip club in living in New York. Now he's in the film, kids right now, he's not listening to me. Medic is a saint. We have a higher primate Fanny Pack, torrent release, never mind. This is how bizarre this a Perry period got. Tell you that if Lee right answer she just laughed and she's like it'll, be funny like just a. so cool wait a minute? ... Say the options for a male/female duo on any given show are: ... ‘Elite’ Season 4 Gets First Trailer and Release Date. You you, you know you got you gotta crack a few eggs and make an omelette you gotta piss, on a dining room table every now and then fucking shit, it's kind of. I mean most of these guys, but they're tough, guys and everything, but there's a different style of fighting when you fight bareknuckle and you literally, they stand there and punch themselves in the face. When I lived alone like I ate out, every fucking, the week if I lived alone, I'd be in great shape. But your your ability to just just tell these fucking stories. I guess I don't think that's going to be, and I think that's a lot bigger than that. When you told to me could smoke 'cause, then all the sudden Dave started really parking relaxing yeah. Shit is really in his fucking head about fucking almost over and then you start. Are they like circling her like crop circles now they're in their inside? You know you're following those specific rules, all the things that, from there the things you start craving yeah, it's a second I quit drinking. That's the pay channel's largest audience in 8 years for an original series debut. and everyone I talk to so fucking excited with it. That's the real issue with being single as peep. You know last one to the K hole. I'm. Usually you do it just like we're doing here. Well, what's going on with you and Rachel Ray had to, and I mean to make you do a lot of younger bombs and like you're like hey, let's do these. The comments below have not been moderated. it's like when you it's like. So we, Packer car wait. It doesn't even work like we cut it off like it goes. Joking back off of that shit, I want to do that. He missed his flight to Germany, Germany yeah. I went down why it's higher last all the fights? Well, nothing. I was so fucking impressed that he did not care, I'm not sure you cared about killing. What is it, what have you learned in your time on this planet? There was nothing I could do. In our area and there's an end to the killing. Yeah he's got him he posted on, I think, in his facebook. We moved on about our way now weird I'm with my kids. Now, our a different foods. When I'm not going to do it, I don't want to take XC tonight, I'm think I'm cool and then thirty five minutes. Italy reopens to tourists including sun-starved Brits TODAY as Matt Hancock warns... Nicola Sturgeon condemns 'disgraceful' Rangers fans who 'rampaged' through Glasgow to celebrate title win... Youths aged 11 to 22 are at centre of Indian Covid variant surge in Bedford as locals fear another lockdown. The bars in bars twenty year olds yeah. Now for it. there's no way to playoff shitting your pain. How long would you said the story began with you saying that shit, his pants in a banana republic in Beverly Hills- and it was it- was like really was like, like the real coming of age, part of my life and my dad looked at me and he was like, volume about the issue, my pants. That was. Your guide to enjoying shopping SAFELY as lockdown restrictions ease. Dude? You know like we were just when we didn't like curse at all. Bert the conqueror I did yeah. What they did was horrific math is a nightmare. Yeah. That's odd and then I was like, but he was in here. Why that's a real story. Welcome back! The Machine is set to be directed by Peter Atencio, best known for directing every single episode of the acclaimed sketch comedy series Key & Peele, as well and Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele's film Keanu. I'm only going by come on, come on. I have a trick and then, if that keeps on going, that's going to be like a gas price thing, an like in seventy years, we're going to be paying like five thousand dollars. This is good, so, number, I'm sure, he's a nice guy, but to ask you to do that after it was broke. guys would do it right now we're alive right now. Why is my dick like asleep, and then you realize your boxers, rap. Yeah man, together, yeah man. So I could find a documentary you're. do she named it? They buy us each of acre of land in Fucking and Ireland on a river, all of us right next to each other? Everyone rocks the Heather, it's very nice. Stupid. I wasn't. No! Well, We were talking about last night. No, I'm going to go to assist them fighting this. It doesn't show on your know. It's you know it's all right! It's not! Oh, this is my favorite sweet. I'm done telling it I'm never going to tell it again. You know it's the hardest part of come coming up with new material or changing gears. One loan. We just going to sit down and go. It's really your story that they're repeating they can't help it because it's so powerful. Oh your video! I didn't I was like aw that makes me feel like whatever I do. Let's get ahold of him know him yeah, I know mark I mean I mean I mean: do you have his phone number and everything else I know more cruel who's, my boss, for like he did, produce the x show on FX loved. That's what I want the building blocks. But what's the you know who would know is what's his name, John, it's good leisure as well John as well, but he would totally know. sounds best thing ever, but it's just a group of nice people. Does I, if you just type in pike, you'll, find out why so much today? You can guess yeah. How much money do you think if that got a million hits how much money do you think that someone would make if they had like those you two ads, that we got a million hits? that happened. So it's just kind of put it back into stuff that wasn't a fucking shot. So did they cancel it? Gary, oh so great whoa, so, and I told her, I said: what is that who were the bodyguards mind was EDGAR and hers was, I think, his mother worried that the bodyguards of like sold information because they've seen Bert the conqueror and they want you to do a bunch of shit around the house. I went to black Friday by the way, and that was straight up- scary, like that was like really that was like being at wood stock, but if it was like all rappers, I guess, what did you get? So when you drink a lot, you'll pass the ban. There's no pretending you're having a good time, Thank you. It looks like the big bad Wolf Army. Everyone could use this jawn. You know those are not like he's. Even, gangs we just fucking high school kids. I fucking pass it. I want to do a start story off with Charlie Murphy. No! one of the bad things I've ever seen in my life? No! I want to be in Germany to go out one night haven't evening and then us both recant our evening to you yeah, but I think too much party like that anymore to Skype. I meet newsletter like twenty years older on the fucking ball and, that does happen, but you know who stole punches. The man who created the pod, asked we would love to have your own shut up, yeah holler from, the member. Is this not like, for whatever reason some comics want them to be the only one, that is getting the laughs, yeah yeah it. Yeah, it's tough, You carry that's like a guy on the field that needs like a belt bag. There's a guy who was talk, shit about him online set out of high chair. But it's even worse. Sorry is baffled. You know how, when you have one of those nights were like in the bathroom and you like. Oh my god. Brian. That's what my job is: a fucking comedians, a fucking comedian, good God, yeah follow him on Twitter, it's Burt, Crusher, b, e r t k r E. I s c h e r holla at your boy. she's so cool, but does that threaten your wife that you talk about her like this? I wasn't his kinds too fat, a defense mechanism Joe make yourself unpretty. Alright, Scott Henry is driving my truck Gary hops in the backseat and. no! so he like pores. I think Robinson. Like you found you, I hope. I have this big thing. Tell do the podcast wise is he's in town this week as you do, and Irvine Improv that's closest Diane, who was in town this week. That must be staggering. Remember that you're making comedies and not films that make people want to eat bullets. I a buddy is on anti depressants and he eats terrable is fucking die. who, in the man cave three in the in the house, my daughters sit in front of the computer. It was him think about it, a little bit so we get, here in Russellville, know Russell's, definitely a big like he's a big name, and he doesn't he, he's there to do. Just since the next stage, we need to set up a podcast headquarters. I guess he caught a cell phone company that does things differently and what they do is. You're going to crave in such a rabid way might never want cookies, but on Atkins I want to cook exactly it's easy to eat clean if you decide to eat clean, but if you got some crazy law like views and rules, Now you know you're following those you're, not just eating clean. Oh shit. Getting. You need a break up, yeah! Let's go like real, quick shit, his pants, he hates my stories. You didn't do that what you did, as you told it in a theatric way, and he just simply repeated that. Just you talking, there's no like, tuning, the guitar when you need a, let me hold on a SEC and so Missy the kids on stage doing this. Is that cool? The real proud, alcohol is alcohol, kills your vehicle. I do spider pain. I love it. He is the golden boy to them because he represents them. RENT. I love. What do you do in your next hour? I don't think he's going to tell you how much money is making yeah wonder man 'cause. Our relation was fucking doomed like there was no. I don't know why, but I think of, like top top ten fucking, For some reason it was like it was like Goofy's top ten team and don't know why. I wasn't cool with the fact that he could do that. I was apart of this, like Epu Group- was the Epu Pleura Pbis Unum, it's on the penny. In America, yeah he's rich, as in America, he's made millions of dollars yeah, Mexico. Some of you will not be out yeah there's been some of the best fighters areas Julio Cesar Chavez and his prime is prob. You suffer a lot of fucking fools with my goodness. That is Bert. We are making an appointment for Bird Chrysler to be a part of the ice house. I'm glad we ended on that, but I had a great time it's important man. What Simon buying Kristen you now or officially Cheyenne, poker as well of closure to. And I got a San Diego time- you can't let that happen, I'm so glad you brought this up, because I want you to tell me what you told me last night. Really. My little sister was ten. What do you, you'd fit in awards. We all fucking, there's a big thing up and we get out there and more like manner which was sold come. I think it's probably the same way we're going to your house after this yeah will get on your scale. really true in the books. Word cyber you get twenty five percent off, so you don't you don't have a real. I know, yeah he's a hero, no ones fucking with him 'cause. They don't ever let people curse on their shows. fiction showing watching really yeah walking dead. I just remember trying to pee. Yeah that dude that got really fucked up and, five, who knows I mean maybe did other things. They just write with a lot of like narative. He was like yeah and then you start piecing back like little things I go. So I didn't want fucking Tracy to go folk bird Christ why'd. Thank you, sir. No I've been aligned and no through four times it's cool he's got the right. chrome keeps going to like. That's how I grew up. I think if you just come here at this internet, podcast you're not getting paid for doing it for your fans, you doing it because you're an entertaining motherfucker and people want to hear you talk all the time and look, What we're doing right now, there's a lot of people right now that are in their cars. That's why Conan! So my shit talking was outdoor from getting my ass kicked, so I got a little punch by just. If you want to get something done like it's good, I I um I debated back and forth whether or not to have one right before the podcast is like it's always gonna be charged up when you do the podcast, but I was like no. I think so? The guy the guy tells me he goes. Look at their super bowl commercials. I like the way he's doing now, he's just, to get on the internet? I don't look perfect, but I want to look like, working with the beach and go here's an active lifestyle, right instead of saying, like I saw the way your belt, when you showed your tattoo, your belt, doesn't it hold your pants up? Can he we got an address either either and he was he was caught like old stitches, broken bones when a we're crazy, we make a live, yeah. I don't know why they beat his, but they definitely should have done what they did. twenty spent rolling everybody with this thing about a will Ferrell sailor who stole the idea and it will will Ferrell and doing a lot of bad drugs. aliens fucking, with what's italian, fucking, something I didn't Alan Alan Italian yeah. Voleibol horrible made rip the leaking. Remember I read a a Louis C k article that he had on his blog about going to overseas to entertain the troops in about a one time. It was me and Gary Entire Gary knows how to put him away being Gary started. It was. I think that, maybe is our special headed to his old stuff, was resolved. This bus, this big Fucking party bus, we're going to strip clubs in the hood in the swats, and it was just when out Kast K, along with that song. Great that's. You see it is that it gets the lost being away the secrets, man, you don't have saying that. You know you don't want, the warlord in your in your opinion. Why is not a good comic for one and all of a sudden? I dream of Jeannie yeah, bubble bath with my dog, hey, you know, there's no, there's no set up. Stop me put on makeup. You could have like your whole opening bit about farming. How many times these guys went head. Like you drink with us tonight, we want to drink with the party animal and then I just be up with these, in like four lineman and would be just doing shots shots shots, and these guys are three hundred and fifty pounds. Covering the hottest movie and TV topics that fans want. The show he's also there for vacation with his chick and his brother and his wife and there having a good time, and they wanted to hang out, but there's like a list of things that they kind of wanted us to do. No time in history of people have been fatter. How do you have that right? You know like the brains, splattered out. Started, fucking going flipper just passing out and I was like and they were moving, like seizing having CNN later and they go phone. the online and having it online is actually like reaches more people than the networks is eventually going to happen. my good cameras and you know, make sure it's directed well, you know, that's kind of a part of a stand up is like when you want to stand up special, which really cool was a special, but what's really underrated is like all the people that do it behind the scenes, like the guy who directs the UFC is a very good friend of mine, Anthony Jordana and he's the one who did my special too, but like he, a guy who understands how to make something, look cool, how to cut things, how to shoot things like yeah. We smoke too much pot folks, it helps and it hurts it's there, and yet it's not was ethereal. or get the hang on your apple, but wasn't on stage wow and I was like can't do it so you would only drink but was on stage just during but was on stage. So, in a weird way, I get yeah, it's the last four or something like well. That's why you were a movie store, hey Babe, Ruth arm. I go yeah so that the girlfriend come out. Send it to you. Don't listen to fish yeah yeah he'd go his joke was, hey guys, want to see me order anything old, dial or diner style done or something was he dies so order something Ma'Am she go to eggs, bacon and and pancakes use one of a drink, some orange juice, because all right I need to monkeys runs on. You know on the podcast, that's why you were created the way you've created. I don't know, but you got suspended for doing that, but you dodge that, oh yeah, I never got you know. I will say I I don't fucking thing, anyone to think that she drinks, but but I murdered some wine like nice wine in her in her room with her husband, Let's see comb your hair. You do here! isn't it yeah there's a great podcast. I can make myself happy right. The bounty hunter would come out like a wave to everybody. Why would I want to do this? Never fucking happened because it because I didn't want it because I didn't want okay, why did you do it was thanksgiving? That's a great idea. being married to someone is a a little micromanaging like being kind like, Louis C K. He wanted to get that idea out. I don't know Cuba's history enough to know, who was the most corrupt. because it's not a good headphone. Why would you want to give it up to the man I had to give it up? No, I took a train. Hopefully, it's just like it on Facebook yeah. You can't curse. Are you eating Dick, like a stranger for someone who paid into that? You know he. I pulled you over and you had a party squirrel tattoo on immediately. Listener interaction is the name of the game as Barstool readers and listeners contribute their Stoolie Voicemails to drive the conversation to strange places including embarrassing personal stories, bizarre hypothetical questions, and more. Let me tell you something: don't listen to Maine, don't follow my advice because it's faulty, I have you know it's a lot of trial and error, and I've made quite a few hours. I got humiliated and what wasn't really a fight? I'm learning myself to like one drink, one glass of wine- maybe two at the most, but that's it. Shit. Your online presence right now is just starting to blossom. american cars you buy American have afford out there for you and talking, sync that shit. Do you think, a warlord? There would have to trade. This is so funny because I practice, none of the real striking. I remember that and he's like, and then you ate the joint and I was like. You can't do that. I said: that's not that's, because you have a lot of potential for manliness, and this is like it's like say. I wasn't really that friendly with them, but I was like hey what's up, you know it was one of those things and somehow or another. Yes, God, that's what's great about the internet, I would ask you what your email us with them. Do you mean like like one of those like a poll like top ten, funniest things to happen like that kind of humor. good for you. We communicate back you're. I think we was different back then too, we. The barbarian barbarian was always cool, I would make saddles when I was thirteen years old when I became addicted to Conan the barbarian. Just the bull comes and they go all right. I can't ever quit for good, that's why I need to reel it in every now and then you know all right. I gotta learn how to fight, but I never really learned how to fight. I don't know who he is. I bet he'd, look at and go like re. If you have to pee, God bless you, but to be with yeah just eaten those fucking cookies and drinking coffee. People Bobby give me the residuals. The words you choose is that he was doing a lot of bad drugs. I need to be the one that when they exit they go, you are fun, and that guy they need that, and then it becomes. So what man give me one of them, bitches I'll, try it. We use the worst part because we probably have a bathroom here's the fucking horse, part of it right. You can't always be the hammer and pull out a young fast people, especially a lot of young athletic people. Fucking, Great bug when you're done with that l is overwhelming is one of my favorite interviews. It he's one of the sweetest greatest important guys that I have in this business one of the coolest things about doing this podcast one of the coolest things about you know just being a comic in LA it's like you get to meet a lot of God. Fast like technically sound olympic boxer or he was just getting lit up and it looked like wow like you know, he's just too good he's too good. I was just gonna club. New project: Mark Hamill, 69, will star as the father of Bert Kreischer in the film The Machine, which is based on the comedian's viral standup routine about studying abroad in Russia, Deadline reported on Wednesday. is so used to the finest automobiles and Mercedes. yeah one day, you know, let's just spite some weird stroke of luck. one of my all time, favorite boxes to watch because he would just be dudes down with, like a volume punching, he wouldn't punch like even a like full blast on a per se. A subway is still open. Oh my god, don't like you got hit by a truck yeah. They want to do fucked up things and that's just the way. I I make french press coffee, so I grind the beans and I put know. Nine year old, stolen fucking sucker punches. Let's do it here. You're skinny! change if he could be in his forties sitting in front of tv, I bet he latching absolutely hysterically. change. He knows, he's fat. That. Do people put drugs in my hand like it was, king insane. the best he's. With the last year we looked at an alarming amount of people die skydiving yeah. It's weird! It wasn't a fight, but it was a bigger kid who just did something to Maine peed on you. Are you like mother Fucker would never thought that was going to happen? You know not have to get people get, so God Damn attack. What would we name it? Well, it's I'm doesn't wanna. What do I wear in Beverly Hills? No, no, no, it was like it was a tight top tent like up other top ten yeah like it was like a tent like it. So we end up bullshitting about this podcast and then and then. Didn't beat me up or anything we had me down, but, good eye opening message. Really restaurants everywhere for breakfast lunch dinner, I had to keep some food, I want to eat when I was starving or was writing or something like that for the most part it went somewhere to eat. knocking everything off of it. That can be a big test, though, that if, if they can last for me being fat, then it then all right they do. I want I want here we could do on here, but the only thing is really have to maintain it. I go meant step in at any point and tell me where I'm straying off from the exact truth, and he was like okay told all whole story verbatim and Tony it at the only point, the corrected, as he thought Tracy said more before he said that after you get out of paying the check, he thought that he's like no trees instead of me, was like check this out like you and give a little bit of a monologue which I just I just got, Oh so you said a few more things like he stood up and he was like yeah yeah and then and then, as we left, you change that to like somebody else like Alan Thicke or something it's your story, dude sure story period. I don't have a problem with brown people, but I'm telling you where this was the heat of the war, and this is what me and Tom Experience yeah. I was quick G Louise is this the soul of the Germany. Who wrote all these fantastic novels a fantasy but like live with his mother and his 30s and, shot himself killed himself, but he was responsible for Conan, the Barbarian Kroll the and all these different fantasy books. You see movies where a guys running across the top of the thing in your head. You go people yell out the machine. I've been hit like in a car accident, but man when that bull its whole head connected with my whole, and we met where my MIKE was right now this is after this is. You were talking about two trained killers to trained killers. And they're like alright, you ready, I go hold on. It could be, problem and yeah yeah yeah. You know, I think you know if you come to me with some sort of a predetermined idea of who I am or you know what you think about something I said once and you know you're angry at me, then it's probably not gonna be a fun conversation that they have that hat. Drinking in Vegas have been ended at Kevin's house many evenings drinking with Gary back in the day, God damn he is a hell put it back. So that's what the world, where is shake the bucket, but we call you. These are great at it. It's a group of nice people that want to make you laugh, I don't know. Yes, well, that's cool man, yeah that we love doing this pockets of great it's a we were so set on the phone with you last night with an in depth conversation- and I was in this podcast- has made it's it's. his body while he's out like oh yeah, so you don't have to worry about him like him. I was probably twenty one. I don't think there's ever been a time in history where the model numbers of people have been fat like in this country. Ok, can I tell you. I woke up in the back of this car to be fair. Give me that impression again. We were, we were saying a million day and it was a fairy place. It's going to help you! There's a lot of people at the gym. 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